Budgeting: Exciting or Depressing?

I guess that's the difference between Bill Gates and myself. Actually it's not so horrendous, I just need a couple really good weekends at Eggs to make everything normal and budget-like again. Rather than living paycheck to paycheck (workday to workday?), begging cute boys and good friends to cook for me. There is something strangely exciting about budgeting, normally I underestimate my income (As all servers do, I'm sure), and it's always nice to have something left over. To eat. To fix my car with (HA, SO THERE JU!) To travel with. Oh God, I need to get the Hell out of Dodge.

I checked prices for airfare again to London in July. It sucks. Big time. Cheapest Ticket: $633 from Virgin Air or BA. I really dislike BA. I lovvvvve Virgin. I am hoping Virgin Air will pull out an awesome deal in mid June for someone that only wants to go for a weekend (PICK ME PICK ME!!!) If not, I may have to suck it up and pay $650. And not spend anything there. Have to get yet ANOTHER cute boy to cook for me. (Heh. It's more feasible that particular cute boy will buy the food so I can cook for HIM. I will just have to swallow that one.) I may have the same problem in December, when I want to go to Brazil, as that's South America's summer. Hmm. Bummer.

I registered for my last two classes for the fall today. I will have to go in Mid-June to re-register for the one class, as they don't have my transcripts available for online registration. I will be calling/writing/emailing U of MD Balt. to let them know my Nursing school application should be for the spring and not for this fall as I had hoped for originally. I am excited again, less anxious about it taking forever. Hearing Heather talk about nursing at the Hospital helped that alot last night. She loves her job, she's already overworked, but she still loves her job. I WANT THAT. And I think that I can have that in nursing. I get such a sense of joy being able to share some good. Maybe I can get the degree before 30. Heh. I'm not holding my breath. Merely sending some "maybes" out into the Galaxy.

SPEAKING OF GALAXIES!!! Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was awesome. I saw it last night at the first showing 12am. (No worries. I took a nap). I am in love with Mos Def. He is a phenomenal actor (not to mention his writing, music, and just general genuinous, heh). I also enjoyed the british actor in it, and am back to wanting to marry a British national. I've offered myself to my favorite terp (Who is a gay male, but his mom was British and I have no problem taking advantage of this). I can pop a couple children out for him and his passport can get me into the EU for several years, working without worry. My only other option would be to harass single men when I go over again, or to just suck it up and deal with my American Citizenship like as adult and renounce and go pick an European country that I like. But I am kinda hoping for a Democratic president in 2008, and I may have to wait for that before renouncing. Ok. Enough spouting off random brain droppings. Back to work for the rest of my hour and half sentence, chained to my desk.

Sigh. Almost all better.

Yes, my insane breakdown was short lived, after a rant on a blog, a knocking deaf JW, a conversation with a conflicted FBI agent who wants to sleep with an ex-convict, and a reassuring email from the person whose opinion I value most in the world (even when it doesn't match my own). I still want to be a midwife. I want to travel and learn as many languages as poosible still too. These are two things that can mesh well in my life if I plan properly, and so I am still figuring all of that out. I may feel old, as I'm running up on my 10 year HS grad anniversary...but I am still generally happy. I fill up my time working at places that I enjoy (even if they aren't the most fufilling jobs), I date cool guys that make me laugh, I have friends that support me at my most looniest. All is well. Except of course the nagging toothache. Better, but still there. I am anbesol-ed up. Ohhh. Hehe. Numb Mouth. Hehe.

I'm going to go watch Hitchhikers Guide on Thurs night at 12am with H&B. And then work from 8-5 and 6-11 on Friday. I'm looking forward to the sleep deprivation. Really I am. There's also a Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon screening on Sunday night and a Bad Movie Fest on Tuesday night. I may completely regret all the (no sleep) free fun, but hell. It's free. And fun. And I haven't seen the Wrightarinis in a while either.

Hurray for 401K and my ability to borrow from it. Just enough to feel less stressed about my current situation. Although I am making nice money at Eggs, I had only one job for 3 months and a couple of my bills are quite late. Late enough for me to borrow money, we'll just say. How did I survive the weekend without Job #2, I ask you? Workaholic Jamie with no work. Who knew?

Ramblings of a Travelling Addict, Midwife Wannabe

So, recently, all I really want to do is travel and learn to speak languages. This doesn't really fit into the "I want to be a midwife by the time I'm 30" thing. I am working two jobs to fund my life whims. I am signed up for classes to finish my freaking degree, which will still take me 2 years plus after I finish this stupid A&P class. I'm just not feeling the same pull as I had the past couple years towards this. I don't know if it's because like with everything in my life, I've lost interest and now don't want to do it or if I just want to give up because I can't ever seem to finish it. Three things break my heart right now and make me wonder about this:

1. My dad, in the past 2 years has asked me, "so are you still doing that school thing?" My reply is always, "yes, course, it only takes me a little longer. I still want to be a midwife" and I start feeling like I am taking too long or that maybe I am not meant to be anything more than the office drone/mild mannered waitress that I am today. This kills the little girl inside that told her dad when she was 10 that she would buy him a boat when she became a doctor. Which turned into nurse. Which is up in the air now and I'm feeling like I totally just figured out that I am living a fucking fantasy.
2. My boss asked me pretty much the same thing in a review early this year. She also called me moody and motivated, which then pissed me off and made me want to rub in her face the 500 times that I've stayed late at her last minute whims to change 5 terp schedules or all the covering that I've done for so many people in this office. YES. I AM A SLACKER. BUT, I always get my shit done and I am always available to help everyone out. Enough of side bar. I was asked if I was still in school (maybe wondering how long she has to put up with me until I leave) and "how's that going for you?" Can anyone say INADEQUECY. Can anyone spell it? Cuz I don't think I did, and I refuse to use spellcheck for my blog.
3. My best friend, who makes me incredibly angry sometimes because he so is fucking sensitive about his own feelings and completely intolerable of others. Not really. Kind of. I don't know. I can't really explain. He just pissed me off today. He's actually the nicest, most caring person that I know. End sidebar again. Shit I am really wandering today. Anyway, best friend and I were talking about life and work and how he may return to the US in like 5 years if he is in the position that he wants (and probably will have, because he is a tenacious guy). And said, you know, I'll be 5 hours away from you in NY. I answer, I might not be in Maryland. I might be in New Zealand then or somewhere else...I don't know that yet. His response...well, why aren't you now? I get a little defensive, mostly because I am terribly in debt from the past 3 months of my life, I am 27 years old without a degree, and have been at the same job for almost 5 years. I have responsibilities, I am not a 22 year old with NO POSSESSIONS other than the clothes and personal items that he owns. I own a CAR, I have a ROOMMATE that depends on my portion of $1150, I have BILLS and SCHOOL LOANS from all the times I've shitted away my life on little things. I can't pack up and go. I can travel. I am a U.S. citizen that is stuck in the U.S. as for living. I can't trapse around Europe because I DONT HAVE A EU PASSPORT. Anyway, although I am a little grumpy still about this, it still brought me to the unpleasant tailspin dive that I am in now.

What the hell do I want in my life? Things were so clear to me last year, last week, EVEN. My boss will not be happy if I ask for time off to go find myself (again. shit I already did this? oops. Right. 2 years ago right as the little bastard dumped me) and I don't even know that time off or travel or anything will make me any closer to knowing what the hell I want to do with my life.

In my own miserable half crying, half angry state, something incredibly funny just happened. Introducing Lori, my deaf (very English, very "hearing" speaking deaf person), JW coworker. I love her! We are not always perfectly in sync, but always a good team. She's hilarious, she's easy to make laugh and easy to make everyone else laugh too. Never ever preaches at work, but is happy to discuss religion in a non-judgemental way. So Lori (while I am in my mental breakdown, half crying over here at my desk), knocks on her desk, trying to get my attention to say good night. I don't hear it or ignore, whatever. So she then calls over... KNOCK KNOCK. CAN'T YOU HEAR THE JW KNOCKING?? I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT GOD!!! It totally broke my intense blogging and I cracked up. The complete irony of the situation is maybe all I need in my life is a little God, or higher truth or SOMETHING BIGGER THAN MYSELF. She then tells me a little joke about her mom and how her mom (also deaf) would go out preaching to hearing people and knock on the door and say in a very deaf voice (Lori does it best, of course). HI MY NAME IS ELEANOR AND I AM HARD OF HEARING AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE BIBLE. and how she and her brother would just stare at her as children having to follow around mom preaching to hearing people, when now, they preach only to deaf people. I was CRACKING UP so much that I started bawling hysterically and eventually it all comes out in the wash. So laughing and crying I shared with her that today is just a stressful day and I am just dealing with life. And so it goes. I am just dealing with life. Like everyone does. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. But still my life. My choices. And so it goes. And so it goes. And so will you soon, I suppose. Thank you, Mr. Joel.

Still not wiser.

Blah. My tooth hurts. Friday will be the last of my suffering day. After that, I'll call the dentist and go get the damn thing out. Ugh.

Paulo is eating, has money to pay rent and call his mom. I'm happy about that. Huge relief to me and his siblings. I am still planning to go with Marcella in July for a weekend when she goes to live in London, and probably again in September. I realllllly want to see Italy (and Paulo too, of course) and will hopefully be able to do that as well. We'll see how Eggs helps me get to that goal.

John (friend of mine and Paulo's from the Diner), is in Vegas right now, winning some cash for us (Well, Paulo did win $3600 for John when we went). I told him to gamble $20 for me...he's said he's won a couple hundred. Can't beat that. One of the best times of my life was Vegas, even if there was a couple rough moments. It was awesome to Bungee (twice!) and to be around Paulo when he was gambling (I lost everything I tried-all $10 of it. Hee). I Would love to go back soon. MAybe in the New Year.

Do I have more wisdom?

Cuz my wisdom tooth is killing me. Yes. 27 years old, still have my wisdom teeth, none of them ever bothered me before and now the very last one coming in is testing my tolerance for pain. I'm teething!!! My breakfast and lunch consisted of yogurt, an orange, and well soaked digestives. MMM...digestives. Soft food is good for the time being.

I work tonight and tomorrow, very exciting. Very exciting to get money that I can pay bills with. Very exciting to just grin at people all night and pretend like I give a damn. There's an interpreter saying: "Fake it till you Make it." This has held true in so many other parts of my life...mood, love, religion, sex. Hehe. Just kidding. I don't fake it with sex, ever. It's against my religious love of moodiness.

I am off on Sunday and hoping for good weather. I would love to go down to Great Falls or Brookside and enjoy the springiness of spring. YAY! SPRING!! We'll see what my gorgeous date, Alissa, and the testy DC area weather wants to do.

Rant for Nasty Ex-Landlady

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. PLEASE DIE. PLEASE LET THERE BE SUCH A THING AS KARMA AND LET YOUR ASS FRY IN HELL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR FABULOUSLY WHITE NEW $2000 CARPET THAT I GET TO PAY FOR.

Ok. So I feel a little better. No more spreading bad vibes. No more being angry at things I can't change. I'm back to normal. I don't like hating anyone, nor do I enjoy wishing death on anyone. I am a peaceful person. I dislike violence. Really. Now, here's the story behind my terrible outburst:

So, once there was this lady, we'll call her Carolyn. She was offering the most beautiful room for rent. $460 for a 24' x 17' room with gorgeous dormer windows. Not so much on the closet space, but hell, half of the room could be a closet. Perfect location, 10 mins to each job. 3 sweet cats. Landlady's sweet fix-it-all boyfriend. I scooped it up. Signed a lease for a year and put down a month and a half deposit on a place that I loved.

Even though I wasn't so sure about the landlady, the roommate at the time was nice and I just thought Carolyn was kooky and quirky, rather than decietful and pure eee-veil. The house wasn't terribly clean, but there were several "pieces", such as a $10K white leather sofa that you couldn't sit on with keys (it could punch a hole in the leather) or with a newspaper (or anything with ink that would rub off). There was a white sheet covering the $10K piece of crap that really is meant to impress, rather than, you know...sit on? She would also insist that shoes be taken off on a strip of plastic barely 2' wide by 4' long before you came into the house. And I accepted all of these "quirky" things because I really really loved the room.

So I lived well for the first month, then started realizing how much I didn't want to live there as month 2 passed by. Carolyn would speak down to me, as if I were a child. She would insist that things be done her way or would make such a big deal about it if it wasn't. I swore to myself that I would stay, since I had $700 in my deposit and knew that I can tolerate anything. Tolerance is my virtue. A couple arguments happened, but I just kept thinking "I can get to July!!!" In November, the roof started leaking into the living room (OH NO!!! THE COUCH!!!), and suprisingly, not into my room...as the leak was in my dormer. Up went a tarp to cover the leak and protect the couch. And cover my bedroom window, the beautiful dormer. And stayed there until after I left, in April. Why would someone put a tarp over a tenants window for 6 months? Even after the tenant had her car broken into 3 times in the first three weeks of January, and had her wonderful cd/mp3 player stereo stolen? But couldn't see anything when her alarm went off because there was a tarp over the front window that looked out to her car??? Oh, but wait, there's more. There was a ladder for the same amount of time next to the tenants window. The ladder set me off, I moved some things over in March to my current place when my wonderful current roomie offered me a room in his house for much cheaper and without the bullshit. I stopped paying rent to Carolyn in April, after talking to a lawyer after she changed the locks on the front door without letting me know (even though I was still paying rent).

We went to court, she won. She asked for $2000 on top of my security deposit that she kept, as she said I stained the carpet in my room SO BADLY that she needed to buy a new one for the entire room. Please note room dimensions and that WE DIDNT WEAR OUR SHOES IN THE HOUSE. The judge took off a little of what she wanted for the tarp and for the carpet, but I still owed her $1700. Which she is now garnishing my wages for. 25% of my salary for 5 months, at $200 per pay period. Even though I am barely living lately, trying to pay all my bills and keep my health insurance, car, etc... after only having one job for 3 months.

So that's all of the rant. I'm in a good household, with good folk and all is well. But hey, if you want to seek vengence for me, feel free. Just don't let me know... :)

And she's down again!

Well, Maybe not down, per say. Just cranky. Everything little is bugging me. Here goes the downfall of my lovely shot. Or maybe I am just naturally manic. huh. I hope not. (taking a minute to ponder my chemical imbalances).

I need some sunshine. Literally and figuratively. I am dying to go to the beach, go see M & M in NC. I miss them both so much! And my pooches too. And the beach. Ohhhh beautiful beeeaches. Heh. I would be just as happy to go hang out at Brookside Gardens (the Wonder of Wheaton-who knew?) I just need to get AWAY FROM MY DESK.

I'm going to the movies tomorrow. I am feeling super guilty. My best friend is in London wondering how to pay his rent for this week and how he is going to eat, and I'm going to the movies. Ugh. It's two different situations, I know. You are your decisions. He made decisions that put him in his circumstances. He chose to make school a priority over work and now is without. I still can't help but feel guilty for the amount of food/money that I waste, when my best friend is without. What a selfish, selfish person I am.

I love tea. Tea loves me.

I am in a really good mood today. Ok, I maybe waiting for the slap in the face, but hey, it's good now, right? I'm just floating. Reason Numero Uno for my state of float? I am back on Depo. Very very very good thing. No more periods. No more periods! No more periods! (at least till I'm ready to have children) Hurray Depo! All hail DEPO!

Reason Numero Dos for my state of float? Eggs is AWESOME. I am making really good tips for not a lot of work. I made $45 in 4 hours with only a couple tables. I really can't complain. I like the people that I work with for the most part. The sidework and clean up is SUPER easy. I'm a closing server on Mon, Wed, and Fri nights. Meaning I get to clean up after people that don't do sidework correctly. Eh. Not so good, but they can't leave till I check them out. Hehehehe. Here comes meanie Jamie.

I'm completely bouncing off the walls this morning, and I've only had one and a half tea (two is my normal by noon). Could be the Depo. Does give me mood swings for the first 6 months or so, if I remember correctly. Nat and I are going through what her husband will be like, what kind of doctor he'll be, what the big texas wedding will be like. Did I mention that she hasn't met him yet? But she will. I love that about her! I also have time to type this and do my work too. The mood thing not so bad at this point, if it gets me to multi-task as such. Going to lunch today with long lost friend, Bree. Going to go use my gift certificate to AMC theatres tonight on Sin City with Paulo's brother. I've heard really good things about the movie...we'll see. I love spending time with him and their sister. The problem with Paulo's big brother lately is that he tends to think of me as his little sister as well, and completely ruins my own big sister complex. "who are you dating? I need to meet him. Is your car fixed yet? You should do that soon." Man, I handle my b'ness. I am the EPITOME of the Independent woman! If you want to do it for me and pay for it, ok? But just to bitch and moan? No thanks, I am the oldest and I am bitching and moaning in my head to myself. I accept my procrastination and if shit happens, it happens. I accept my idiot decisions too. Someone nagging me is not going to make me do it any faster. I am so independent that I was the one chosen to go kill a bug in the office ladies' room. That's me. There you go: Jamie, Bug Flusher.

Hurray! New Job!!

Today is Good News Friday!

I'm working at my sp-egg-tacular new restaurant tomorrow morning!! I'm very very very eggs-cited. Ok. Enough with the eggs. This will be my first shift on my own. I am not worried at all, I was taking 5 tables (4=normal) section with my trainer for last Saturday night. Hurray! Money!

I am wearing my most un-sexy g'ma glasses today. I gave up on the whole one contact thing till tomorrow. I had the worst headache last night (could it be b/c I was hunched over a menu test for an hour and half the night before with only one contact in a dark restaurant?? Nah!). First non-bill purchase: contacts. Second non-bill purchase: plane ticket to London.

I think I wil consult the Magic 8 Ball.

Question: Will I be able to go to London in July???
Answer: YES

:) Magic 8 Ball never lies!

I think I may have just volunteered out my incredibly bad interpreting skills for my coworker. My ASL skills are good for conversation, not so good for interpretation. Eeek. Should be a low key job and I am only going so that the other interpreter won't back out of the job. I guess practice makes perfect? Eek.

Time to go home, call the best friend in London and try to get into some trouble on my time off. (Mom, if you're reading...I mean moderate trouble. Not Big Trouble)

le première

Don't be fooled. My french sucks. Actually all of my foreign languages suck, and even my ASL is pretty sucky at times (well, it is foreign to me).

I'm 27. Nearly 30, as my 22 yo good friend tells me. Not quite the old maid I think I am at times, not quite the baby that I act like most of the day at work. I'm entertaining. Annoying, rather. But like most things in my life, I will admit it freely. So the 27 thing has been bugging me a little lately. Mostly because I've been at the same job for 5 years and not really any where closer to my career goals than I was at 22. You'll never believe it, but I actually DON'T want to work in an office doing data entry for the rest of my life. But I lack the motivation to quit my job and go to school fulltime and become that ever special, helpful nurse that I am destined to be. So one class at a time, sometimes more than once-hee, I get it done and I'm about 3 years from the beautiful degree of Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I suffer through the data entry part and office politics shit and go about my day. I collect my check, I work part time to supplement my travel addiction and I live in my limbo. Or Purgatory. Same difference.

I'm content with my life most days. Today is a good example of it. I'm listening to good music: Staind-So Far Away, I go back and forth from actually being productive at work and typing up the nonsense which is in my brain at times. Complaints of the day: I'm terribly broke for the next week or two, waiting to make up being away from that second job business for nearly 3 months. I have one contact in my eye today (yes, normally I have two) and I have a headache from straining the "good eye." I spend most of my day IM-ing cute boys, ingesting my daily dose of blogs, and doing non-thought provoking work. I can't complain all that much.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear?