Liz, my new best friend

Ahh. Adorable Liz Phair. Un-cute Jamie with un-sexy glasses on. Why why why why didn't I put in contact??!? It was really a great show, acoustic. She did a couple new songs and a lot of good old stuff. Woohoo!

Spending time with Rach also good. She's in looooove, and the boy is nice. I didn't hang out with him enough to approve yet, but she's happy. And all that matters is what makes you happy.

Going to get eyes checked tonight. Hurray! New Contacts soon! Hurray! Also sitting at home this very second waiting for plumber to finish fixing all that ails this crazy house. Hurray!! A toliet that flushes and a shower faucet that doesn't leak! Hurray!! :)

I think I might buy my tickets to London tonight. Gotta budget and make sure bills are paid first. But I just found a $520 on US Air to Gatwick (ack not on tube, but not that much more spensive to take train in-8 gbp for tube from heathrow, 9 for train from gatwick. hmm.). Supposedly a really nice plane. Hmm.

I'm addicted to Guarana soda from Brazil. Put it in the freezer for an hour. Mmmmm. Guarana soda slushie. Mmmm. Is it New Years yet?

Not so happy to have to catch up with work tomorrow AND have to cover someone else. Blah. Why am I everyone's backup?!?!? I don't get it. After crazy morning (waiting from 8-2:30p for plumber to finish, oops, he actually arrived at 10!!) and getting to work at 3pm (hee! 2 hour workday!) I don't know if I am in the doghouse or if everyone is happy that I am refreshed and not making them "uncomfortable" anymore.

Speaking of my crazy morning, I ended up mending like 2 shirts, hemming two pairs of pants, reading half of the Hobbit, and making brownies. How's that for boredom. Maybe I should go on vacation more often. I was almost ready to leave the plumber alone in my house while I went to work to give me something to do. I have a feeling I know what my productive Sunday will be like if I can't pick up a shift. Supposed to go get Ceviche (mmmmmmm) or Brazillian food on Sunday with MArcella. Sniff sniff. Who is leaving me in another week and a half. Sniff. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I want to goooooooo to London and LIVE THERE. WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Sniff sniff.

Lucky Larry is going to see my boys tomorrow night: Rascal Flatts. :) I Would love to go to that show, maybe they'll have an encore later in the year. Ha. Probably not, but I'll live. They'll be back around next year.

Ciao Bellos e Bellas.

I'm so Uncomfortable

On your left, is my saving grace. The only thing that makes mean, grumpy Jamie (in this pic ironically taken in her home), on your right, remember that there is life beyond her stupid desk. All hail Tips and their wonderful lingering taste of milk and sweet that remind me of the Uk and how un-America it is. Because after Sandra Day O'Connor retired...Sigh. Conservative agenda. Sigh. Moving down from my soapbox now.


I am about 5 days away from buying my ticket to London. I don't understand having to pay BILLS and stupid stuff like that. Doesn't Comcast know who I am? I need to be able to travel, man. Fuck cable, man. Oh wait. I have cable internet. Wait! Wait!! Please don't take away my crack!!!!

I have been incredibly irritable lately and "uncomfortable to be around", so says my boss. And who also said that the office won't stand to have that around (depression? Hmm. We have a lot of people to fire then) bad attitude. Same boss who made me cry a whole lot on Tuesday. I hate crying at work. Her issue was that I don't say hello to her in the morning. Rather, I don't FIND HER and say hello. I'm not a rude person, I do say hi, goodbye, all the stupid pleasantries that make people feel smooshy inside. I am not a "Bless you" kind of person. Blessing snot and germs forced from your nose and mouth is not my thing. I get the deeper meaning, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

I have been depressed lately and Always 5-10 minutes late to work (can't find shit to fit me in the morning after gaining 10 lbs in 3 months. Holy Chipotle and Ritas Custard makes a fat ass Batman). I'm starting to run, AGAIN, so I can get all those nasty thoughts in check AND have my pants fit again. Cranky about sex without anything behind it (even if it is good sex). Cranky that I am lazy and I just need to finish those three stupid classes before I just end up having someone else do them online for me. Which honestly I Would never do, since I guess I do need to know about bones and muscles and nutrition to be a well educated nurse. But statistics as a pre-req into nursing school: I don't get it. I would totally get someone to take the class online for me while I circle the globe in fits of wanderlust.

Sleepy, cranky Jamie is going to bed now so she will actually run in the morning. Instead of laying in warm bed. Ah. Good Night.

Plumbing Issues

BLAH. I think I have a shower faucet washer issue. After talking to my dad, researching online...etc. I can fix it. Really I can. And I tried. And tried. And tried. ALL WEEKEND. And I bought $30 in tools from Home Depot, including this cool handle puller (corkscrew if I get desperate). But the stem won't budge and I can't move it and I am not happy about this. It complete undermines my thought that I am an independent, self sufficient woman. There were two things I thought of/saw that made me feel better. #1: You can't do ANY home improvement project without at least 3 trips to the hardware store. #2: Why should I know jackshit about plumbing? Just like why should a plumber know jackshit about nursing? That's why people have specialties and pay someone with knowledge, so that they may in turn feed their family. Ok. A little better. I still want to be a Renaissaince woman that does it all, so I am thinking I need a plumber course.

Side note: Maybe I should finish the crap I've started?? And am in Year 8 of progression?

No more barefeet in my office, after 5 years of my service here. Craziness. The family we were before has become something else entirely. Two families: a management family that gripes about the staff family and a staff family that gripes about the management family. One of the prices of growing too much, too soon. I know it sounds completely whiney and childish. I just worry that this loss of freedom will turn into other losses...no more casual clothes? no shorts? no flexible lunches for Drs appts? Blah.

After a huge scare last week with the bombings in London (one of the bombings were very close to Paulo's house, at the tube station he and Bruno use for work...Paulo was off that day, sleeping, Bruno was running late and missed it by a couple minutes), I am more determined to get to London in Sept. I think I will be leaving on the 5th (my Dad's 50th birthday! Woohoo!), and coming back 14th-ish? Will pick up Paulo, train to Brussels, Belgium then train to Amsterdam, Holland. :) Yay. I am getting so excited. Hurray for Europe! Hurray for seeing my best friend that I miss terribly! Hurray for BREAKS!!! :)

Also going to Boston at the end of the month. It'll be good to see Rach (who will still be a Big Sis, even after my BIG MOUTH). I am really upset that I won't be able to go to Maine though. My parents only have the cabin until Sat morning (when I plan on arriving). There's no way I can take off more time from work (the restaurant), I need that cash from Friday night to be able to eat while in Boston. Next year I guess. SIGH. My last hope is that my Aunt and Uncle are headed down for the week after my rents. CROSS FINGERS.

Time to go home, finish laundry, budget, go for a long walk to simmer down, and generallypack my schedule chock-full of stuff to do.

I AM THE MOST AWFUL FRIEND IN THE WORLD

I just screwed Rachel's chances of Big Sister-dom. I hope not. I'm tired and probably a little overreacting. I promise to always look at my to: line before sending crap out. ME AND MY BIG MOUTH. Big Sister of Boston has been harassing (I can call it harassing, with nearly a call a day for 3 weeks) me for a reference for my dear friend Rach. I am QUITE HAPPY to give one, had talked to her about it and was ready to give a superb rendetion of the great goodness of Rachel. After the first message (left in May maybe?), I responded quite fast with a return call on my lunch break (as Big J is cracking down on internet and personal phone usage and I am completely paranoid about both), got a machine...left my phone number but said that I am hard to reach during the day, it would be best to email me. A week later (bear in mind my phone stays off during the day at work), I get another message...this is in regards to reference, we've left a message last week, blah blah blah... I left another vm...with my email addy. No email. But a call a day for like 2 weeks. I got to Big Sis website. EMAILED BOSTON OFFICE. An apology was sent to me, "people have been out, I'll try to take care of this for you" response. Heard nothing for another week via email or phone. A week later, more a call a day messages. So I left another message, with email. No response on email. No phone calls for a week. Another week, daily message. I left ANOTHER message. Finally, it had been 3 weeks, no messages, Rach was talking about how she was matched up with a girl, and I figured everything was well without my reference. Oh well. I'm good at references. Oh well. Today, mesaage from Big Sis, I check email when I get home at midnight (WOOHOOOOOOO DONNA SUMMERRRRR!!!!), and there's something from Rach saying "whats up? Big sis has not heard from you" I responded to the big sis personal who emailed her and to rach, explained this above paragraph in less run-on-ness, forwarded the email I sent and reiterated how wonderful Rach was and how happy I Was to give a reference BY EMAIL. The easiest and fastest method to contact me during the day. Sent it. Then emailed Rach saying how much I disliked Boston Big Sis and how the experience SUCKED. IN CAPITALS. LIKE THIS. Sent. SHIT!!!! Went to Big Sis office. I hate gmail. I love gmail in that I like the conversations. But not when everyone that was in the original email is included in the reply. THATS WHAT REPLY ALL IS FOR!!!! AAAAAAAHHHH. WAAAHHH. I'm a bad friend. My stupid big whining mouth. I feel bad. I don't want to hurt Rach's chances of being a Big Sis, especially with all the crap she has gone through, screening. But it really is ridiculous how incompetent that office is. Sigh. I'll write the apology in the morning when I am less emotional. i.e. pissed.

I saw Donna Summer at Wolftrap tonight. It was so awesome. I love her!!!! I wish my mom could have gone, I think she wouldl have loved it. I adored hanging out with Sherry for her 50th bday, and with Nat, who is leaving next week. And of course, my buddy Bee, my personal psychologist. I ate too much junk. My body is screaming for some spinach. And water. Mope.

More Awful friend-ness:
Paulo has a french girl he is dating from the restaurant he works at. Yes, I am jealous. Less because of some deep seated THING and more because some other girl is spending quality time with my best friend in London while I sit here in the U.S. and rot while Luther dies, Sandra Day retires and Bush decides that he wants to bully the world with his Christian Homophobe Brigade. More so, I am a little pissed because I think he totally avoided my call the other night because of a booty call. JUST BE HONEST!!!! You are the cutest boy I know!!! You can get whatever booty you want!! Just be honest with your best friend and tell me you are a little busy. I'll call you back! I can read between the F---ing lines! I would tell you if you interrupted MY booty call! Grrr. I again, may just be over emotional due to the lack of depo slowly melting away that I need to replenish tomorrow, and completely making shit up. But I do have unbelievable instinct about this crap.

In my own dating life, the Bolivian is still around, cute as ever...non-serious as ever. Trying to drift to friend zone with someone else. Who is not getting the hint and GOD HOW I HATE being blunt when two months of hints are thrown out. Which would be part of the reason why I can't date you. You can't take a hint. And you can't seem to make me happy, by calling me once in a while or taking me out rather than trying to get into my bed (which you complain about making your back hurt. I LOVE MY BED. I don't love it when I get up and you STAY in my bed until I go to work 4 hours after I get up. I don't like it at all and I completely have a 2 month grudge about this, in which I completely realized I was not going to ever sleep with you again, sexually or non-sexually. BED HATER. GET UP!!!!). I'm an evil mean bitch. I can blame the Depo, but really I know it's a deep seated hate of being tied down to someone that will cheat on you, beat you, expect the world of you or ignore you. I'm quite jaded tonight.

More Awful friend-ness:
I am completely jealous of my best good friend (how Gump is that term: Best Good Friend??? Sigh. I may have to regain faith with a little Gump) Alissa and he new fiancee. I know all the stuff she went through dating and finding him, and I Will be the first to say he is awesome, he seems very much to be in love with her, she is VERY much in love with him and is most importantly, HAPPY. I want it for her. Happiness and wonderful wedding and I am especially thrilled and delightedly surprised to be in the wedding, and oh GOD I AM SO JEALOUS. And I so want to have that someday and in my jaded, evil mean ass bitch mood I am in at 1:13am, I don't want to ever see a kissy couple again. But I shall calm the beastly bitch, be supportive of my best good friend alissa and get over myself. This is definietly her time to shine, in preparing for her Beautiful May Day, I vow to be the bestest, most supportive person that she will need. As she has been every day to me since the day I met her in 2000. She's my millenium friend, you only get one every 1000 years. I'm super lucky to have her.

I feel a breakdown coming soon. Nat leaving, school in question for fall due to money and motivation, anti-relationship ache, state of the F-ed up Jesus Land Union, Marcella leaving, too much mushy love around me, low self esteem, money issues, travel issues, body issues, drab-ness issues, non-photographable self, hating work, craving yoga, needing balance, angry at myself for not being a better person that volunteers her time and isn't completely and totally self-serving, self-loathing the angry, hysterical mess I have become within an hour of venting through BLOG....

Complete self-destruction coming very soon to a Blog/IM/phonecall/email/meetingplace near you.

Consider yourself warned. I'm going to bed to make the beast sleep, but she may return tomorrow or sometime in the next week.