This morning, I got a call from roommate Larry... I was asleep...no message. I wake up, go to work early, see him while I am half naked and running to get out of the door on time. (Ok. totally not on time, and 20 mins late, but whatever). Larry: You know Dave's moving in, right? (Dave, old roommate, keeper of lease to bachpad pre Jamie) Jamie: Yah, well...you talked to Carl (2nd roommate) right? I dont have to share a bathroom with you crazy boys. Larry: Uh, well. No. Jamie: Call Carl.
Why is it when I walk through the door, a little more than 15 hours later, my living room is stockpiled with shit, including the nasty ass couch I thought we were rid of when he left. Along with Dave's huge ass tv taking up the center of the room, there is also shit in the kitchen, his junk and my junk that was decorating the fucking living room. Which is now box-heaven. Plus factor is that Larry cleaned the basement. I've not done this since I moved in, b/c from day one at the bachpad, the basement has been a MESS. And I really hate cleaning up after people. ESPECIALLY GROWN ASS MEN. So. Huh. Imagine that. Larry, Boy who is here twice a month (once to pay rent and once to pay utilities), DOES something. Enough barbs, I am tired and just wrote a not mean but to the point letter to my roomies that we need to have a sit down ASAP.
Sigh. Tomorrow's another day.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Yay for Mon Cheri!
I hung out with an old friend tonight from the Office after a HELLACIOUS lunch rush at work. We drank tons of red wine and saw Thank you for Smoking (not bad at all). I found out her soon to be ex is "special" and saw a vision of me with a cut on my head and bloody face. Weird. And spooky, and a little curious too. All I want to know is if I will live to be an old woman. 3 times in my past, I've succumbed to the curious "strange" arts and have received palm readings. All 3 times, I was told I would be married by 24 and live to be an old woman. Did I mention I'm 28? Hmmmm.
This is not your normal full-o-bad-news news. Yay. At least something good has come out of reality tv.
Going to bed. I don't sleep enough. Need sleep. Now. Please. And Thank You.
This is not your normal full-o-bad-news news. Yay. At least something good has come out of reality tv.
Going to bed. I don't sleep enough. Need sleep. Now. Please. And Thank You.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
But wait! There's More!
Guess who can't sleep, again? And guess who has to work a double shift tomorrow? Guess who is writing two posts because her mind is racing like, well, a racehorse, in, well, a race. Did I mention it's 2am?
I have several very busy weeks coming up. Double shift tomorrow (today, eeek!), working everyday until May 6th. Bachorlorette Party for the Lovely Bride to Be. Who I still haven't seen since before my trip. Sniff sniff. The wedding is a week later, more work after that (to pay for wedding stuff) and then classes start 2 weeks later. More need for more work.
I'm starting to have bad dreams about school and not being finished and ack. This past week it was me at Rachael D's graduation from WMC. WAIT! I went to WMC. She went elsewhere. And in real life, she just finished her masters degree. Hm. Anyway. Dream: She's handing me things to prepare for the ceremony and I realize I'm not graduating with her and that I am in this place that holds so many memories and regrets. I wake up crying. Not pretty. Discouraging, even.
I'm having anxiety about not being able to hack it through these last three classes. Not being able to get the recommendations needed to get into Nursing School and not being accepted, period. Dammit, I'm a smart woman. I can be a hard worker if I Want, but past experience has told me that I lose motivation fast. Eh. I don't want to be trapped in those old failures. But it's so hard to let them lie where they belong: in the past. My past makes me the person I am now. I can't change the past, I can only change my path moving forward. God, I wish I believed it right now.
I hung out with Emmett and B today. His first trip to Ihop! Woohoo! He was cranky, it was grating for me to listen to him cry and annoy the impatient cute baby-haters around him and not be able to do much. I can only help to a point. The kid has two very good mommies, and as much as I adore him, I have to respect the mommy-dom.
Insurance news: After researching, I may go to KP for insurance. It's cheap. Cheap-er. Oh, the irony. Back to KP, after 5 years trying to escape. Sniff sniff.
Ok. Nighty night, for real.
I have several very busy weeks coming up. Double shift tomorrow (today, eeek!), working everyday until May 6th. Bachorlorette Party for the Lovely Bride to Be. Who I still haven't seen since before my trip. Sniff sniff. The wedding is a week later, more work after that (to pay for wedding stuff) and then classes start 2 weeks later. More need for more work.
I'm starting to have bad dreams about school and not being finished and ack. This past week it was me at Rachael D's graduation from WMC. WAIT! I went to WMC. She went elsewhere. And in real life, she just finished her masters degree. Hm. Anyway. Dream: She's handing me things to prepare for the ceremony and I realize I'm not graduating with her and that I am in this place that holds so many memories and regrets. I wake up crying. Not pretty. Discouraging, even.
I'm having anxiety about not being able to hack it through these last three classes. Not being able to get the recommendations needed to get into Nursing School and not being accepted, period. Dammit, I'm a smart woman. I can be a hard worker if I Want, but past experience has told me that I lose motivation fast. Eh. I don't want to be trapped in those old failures. But it's so hard to let them lie where they belong: in the past. My past makes me the person I am now. I can't change the past, I can only change my path moving forward. God, I wish I believed it right now.
I hung out with Emmett and B today. His first trip to Ihop! Woohoo! He was cranky, it was grating for me to listen to him cry and annoy the impatient cute baby-haters around him and not be able to do much. I can only help to a point. The kid has two very good mommies, and as much as I adore him, I have to respect the mommy-dom.
Insurance news: After researching, I may go to KP for insurance. It's cheap. Cheap-er. Oh, the irony. Back to KP, after 5 years trying to escape. Sniff sniff.
Ok. Nighty night, for real.
I have Green Eyes, by the way
Songs in my head? This and this.
More on that in a minute. Good stuff in my life? Emmett. Adorable, 3 month old Emmett that laughs at me for no apparent reason. My only hope in mankind, the male variety that is.
I hear Office News on a weekly basis from a variety of sources. Sometimes I care, most of the time I don't. I care this time. I worked closely with A & B. A's heart was broken by B several months ago. B decided to date within the company again, has proposed after 3 months? of dating C. A and B were together 2 plus years.
Why does this bother me so much? I see it so many times, lived it too many times myself. Boy likes/loves girl, girl likes/loves boy. Boy is not "ready" to be married/in a relationship. After months, even YEARS of being in holding pattern, relationship ends... Boy finds "the one" immediately after. Girl knows now that, really, boy would never be "ready" with her. It's a blow to self-esteem. Girl ends up bitter and enraged and in therapy, and or blogging semi-regularly about the disappointment. I'm getting through my own issues. No, really. I am. Promise.
My problem right now (see this again) is not directly related, but it's all relative, eh? I drank entirely too much this weekend, ended up having sex with a friend. Who is not really my friend right now, because who the hell would sleep with their friend and not call them in the next couple days?!?!?!?!?! Fine. Male behaviour, blah blah blah, we both know it's not going anywhere, but seriously... The really fucked up thing is that I totally think the next time that he contacts me, it will be for a booty-fucking-call. This would be main reason why I have lost faith in males, again. The crazy thing is, I don't really like him more than a friend. I wouldn't have had sex with him if I hadn't been under the influence of alcohol. I liked him a year ago, he didn't seem that into me. I stopped considering him "anything more" potential because of this...HELL, if you don't see what an awesome person I am and how wonderful your life would be with me in it....you don't really deserve me anyway. Thank you again for taking care of my drunk, vomiting self. FUCK YOU for not being mature enough to fucking talk to me afterward.
Other than the obvious rage for friends that really aren't all that friendly, I had made a pact after my restaurant fling that I was sick of sex without having a strong attachment, ie: a boyfriend (yes, I know bitter girls aren't really attractive those to boys made of the boyfriend cloth). Point is: I broke the pact and I suck. I know that I should begin again and whatever, whatever. It's just discouraging.
So as it's all relative, back to Person A. I know that sometimes you read this, and although we aren't close by any means: You Are Totally Worth It. You are worth it and don't fail on everyone because of one louse's mistake in not seeing that you're worth it. Because someone that is worth you will see your worth when they are worthy. Um. Worth worth worth worth. Can I type the word anymore in this paragraph? Seriously, I am hoping for a big case of Karma soon for Person B and I hope you have front row seats along with Mr W (wonderfully, worthy, well-endowed, Wake Up Call). That is all.
I'm still jaded as ever. But I keep this song ready if anyone is worthy. See title of Post. My Mr. W would play it for me on his real and or air guitar. Heh.
More news... I will have health insurance again soon. I will be paying for it by means of first-born, but hey... it'll be extremely cheap/free when I'm a nurse. Oh God, Oh God, please hurry. I don't know how long I can deal with $300 a month insurance. Whimper. OH! But I am totally paying next to nothing for car insurance. Oh, the irony.
Nighty-Night.
More on that in a minute. Good stuff in my life? Emmett. Adorable, 3 month old Emmett that laughs at me for no apparent reason. My only hope in mankind, the male variety that is.
I hear Office News on a weekly basis from a variety of sources. Sometimes I care, most of the time I don't. I care this time. I worked closely with A & B. A's heart was broken by B several months ago. B decided to date within the company again, has proposed after 3 months? of dating C. A and B were together 2 plus years.
Why does this bother me so much? I see it so many times, lived it too many times myself. Boy likes/loves girl, girl likes/loves boy. Boy is not "ready" to be married/in a relationship. After months, even YEARS of being in holding pattern, relationship ends... Boy finds "the one" immediately after. Girl knows now that, really, boy would never be "ready" with her. It's a blow to self-esteem. Girl ends up bitter and enraged and in therapy, and or blogging semi-regularly about the disappointment. I'm getting through my own issues. No, really. I am. Promise.
My problem right now (see this again) is not directly related, but it's all relative, eh? I drank entirely too much this weekend, ended up having sex with a friend. Who is not really my friend right now, because who the hell would sleep with their friend and not call them in the next couple days?!?!?!?!?! Fine. Male behaviour, blah blah blah, we both know it's not going anywhere, but seriously... The really fucked up thing is that I totally think the next time that he contacts me, it will be for a booty-fucking-call. This would be main reason why I have lost faith in males, again. The crazy thing is, I don't really like him more than a friend. I wouldn't have had sex with him if I hadn't been under the influence of alcohol. I liked him a year ago, he didn't seem that into me. I stopped considering him "anything more" potential because of this...HELL, if you don't see what an awesome person I am and how wonderful your life would be with me in it....you don't really deserve me anyway. Thank you again for taking care of my drunk, vomiting self. FUCK YOU for not being mature enough to fucking talk to me afterward.
Other than the obvious rage for friends that really aren't all that friendly, I had made a pact after my restaurant fling that I was sick of sex without having a strong attachment, ie: a boyfriend (yes, I know bitter girls aren't really attractive those to boys made of the boyfriend cloth). Point is: I broke the pact and I suck. I know that I should begin again and whatever, whatever. It's just discouraging.
So as it's all relative, back to Person A. I know that sometimes you read this, and although we aren't close by any means: You Are Totally Worth It. You are worth it and don't fail on everyone because of one louse's mistake in not seeing that you're worth it. Because someone that is worth you will see your worth when they are worthy. Um. Worth worth worth worth. Can I type the word anymore in this paragraph? Seriously, I am hoping for a big case of Karma soon for Person B and I hope you have front row seats along with Mr W (wonderfully, worthy, well-endowed, Wake Up Call). That is all.
I'm still jaded as ever. But I keep this song ready if anyone is worthy. See title of Post. My Mr. W would play it for me on his real and or air guitar. Heh.
More news... I will have health insurance again soon. I will be paying for it by means of first-born, but hey... it'll be extremely cheap/free when I'm a nurse. Oh God, Oh God, please hurry. I don't know how long I can deal with $300 a month insurance. Whimper. OH! But I am totally paying next to nothing for car insurance. Oh, the irony.
Nighty-Night.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
This is My Life
I'm a great listener, a fair advice-giver, and a lousy sharer of my own feelings and thoughts.
I'm in love with a 10-week-old boy named Emmett. (who wouldn't be?) I spent the afternoon/evening hanging out with the Wrightarinis
I'm listening to Staind (title of song and blog), BT, Marisa Monte, and other randomness in my computer and in my brain.
I'm unhappy with where I am in the Grand Scheme of Things*, but not at all discontent with my work situation. I'm a waitress/bartender/psychologist. Me, six months ago? Dying in an office that put ass-kissing at a priority over quality of work done, killing myself with 65-75 hour work weeks. Me, Now? Hardly ever over 40 hours a week at work, and I have enough income that I can still take classes and travel (not quite as often as it would please me, but one must use discretion whilst one only has a single income). Oh, and people like me just the way I am. Even when I am cranky before 11am. They appreciate me. And pay me to go above and beyond, rather than expect it for little or no recognition. All done ranting. :) I'm happy and one step closer to where I need to be.
I miss my family. I'm sad that I can't go see them as often as I would like and that they NEVER come to see me (hint hint, mom and dad). This weekend is Easter, and although I would rather hang out with the Fam, I have to work for a friend. I see my baby brother and sister turning into adults before my eyes. 16 and 23. Ok. Maybe not babies, but still. I worry about them and wish that we were closer, that they would trust me and let me into their lives.
I'm out of touch with so many friends. I've not spoken to Paulo in almost a week. We talk on the phone almost daily. I haven't seen Bride to Be in more than 3 weeks. I am in need of J&A time. Especially now, with impending nuptials. I miss my friends. I miss my best friends that are so very far away, and the ones that are just down the street.
Alright. 4am. Again. Bed behind me, beckoning me; asking me to stop thinking and start sleeping. I have things I want to do in the morning. Like maybe call some folks I miss. And prepare for my life. Or something like that.
*3 more classes till nursing school. 2 Years of Nursing School. 1-3 Years of Practicing Nursing and 2-6 more Years of Grad School to perfect the midwifery thing. Oh God.
I'm in love with a 10-week-old boy named Emmett. (who wouldn't be?) I spent the afternoon/evening hanging out with the Wrightarinis
I'm listening to Staind (title of song and blog), BT, Marisa Monte, and other randomness in my computer and in my brain.
I'm unhappy with where I am in the Grand Scheme of Things*, but not at all discontent with my work situation. I'm a waitress/bartender/psychologist. Me, six months ago? Dying in an office that put ass-kissing at a priority over quality of work done, killing myself with 65-75 hour work weeks. Me, Now? Hardly ever over 40 hours a week at work, and I have enough income that I can still take classes and travel (not quite as often as it would please me, but one must use discretion whilst one only has a single income). Oh, and people like me just the way I am. Even when I am cranky before 11am. They appreciate me. And pay me to go above and beyond, rather than expect it for little or no recognition. All done ranting. :) I'm happy and one step closer to where I need to be.
I miss my family. I'm sad that I can't go see them as often as I would like and that they NEVER come to see me (hint hint, mom and dad). This weekend is Easter, and although I would rather hang out with the Fam, I have to work for a friend. I see my baby brother and sister turning into adults before my eyes. 16 and 23. Ok. Maybe not babies, but still. I worry about them and wish that we were closer, that they would trust me and let me into their lives.
I'm out of touch with so many friends. I've not spoken to Paulo in almost a week. We talk on the phone almost daily. I haven't seen Bride to Be in more than 3 weeks. I am in need of J&A time. Especially now, with impending nuptials. I miss my friends. I miss my best friends that are so very far away, and the ones that are just down the street.
Alright. 4am. Again. Bed behind me, beckoning me; asking me to stop thinking and start sleeping. I have things I want to do in the morning. Like maybe call some folks I miss. And prepare for my life. Or something like that.
*3 more classes till nursing school. 2 Years of Nursing School. 1-3 Years of Practicing Nursing and 2-6 more Years of Grad School to perfect the midwifery thing. Oh God.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Sleepy Jamie Won
No new Blog Background yet. I'm learning and planning and I'm sure it will be brand spanking new soon. Here's a shot of London Bridge to show I mean buisness. Really.
April Fools Day was shitty. I had a bunch of crappy little teenagers run out on a check Saturday night. Actually RUN OUT THE DOOR. Little bastards. It still makes me angry and I hope they get caught. Doing something illegal. Or something like that. Yeah. Bastards. Hmph.
Today was no joke either...I found GREY HAIR NUMBER TWO on my head. :( Why why why why why why right after my 28th birthday?!?!?! And why so in front and on my temple and easily seen and stuff. Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. The first one was a little disarming. I think I was 24ish and I just remember that it took my mom a long time to go grey and genetics are on my side, right? I mean, I'm still carded when buying alcohol. Right? Right?!?!?!?!? I have many many many friends my age that have many more grey hairs. I'm just blowing this whole approaching thirty thing WAY out of proportion. Right? Right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
In other news, non-aging related: I poisioned myself with bad salmon yesterday for lunch. Then I went to the beautiful park, enjoyed Cherry Blossoms with H and B and Emmett, and ate too much pizza and watched Cursed (WOW does that girl have a strange look to her) and then promptly vomited from midnight to 6am. Let's just say I won't be eating fish that's cooked medium and has been hanging out on the counter for two hours anymore. Promise.
Here's to more Buffy, less food that has a lot of protein, and to hoping that I get rid of my old Template soon. Eh?
CHEERS!
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