Ready! Just need to finish this work business...

I'm going to see these two crazy kids in 3 days!!! I'm so excited. I miss my best friend. I miss traveling. I miss London. And Erin! Don't let me forget Erin.

I just need to get through the weekend. I would love to make enough to cover my rent in the next two days, but I'm not counting on it. I feel OK about the amount of money coming with me to Greece. I have enough to eat and sleep and travel. It's that whole stopover to Iceland (that I haven't even settled on) that I don't know if I can afford. Then again, I could just skip the stopover and have money to pay bills with when I come home on the 14th. Hehe. Nah.

How's the Greek coming along, you may wonder?

Γεια σου! Δεν ξεpο καλα Ελληνικά.*
(But I can read it pretty well now. I just don't understand the words all that much.)

But I can say and understand greetings and possibly a "what do you want to order." That's enough, right? I feel good because I think I know more Greek than my SuperBestFriend, knower of 6 languages (Portuguese, English, Italian, Spanish, French and Arabic- it makes me sick with jealousy) . Hmmm. Yeah, I think I'll practice more for good measure.


*Translates to: Hi! I don't know Greek well.

Clean Room, Clean Mind

I put a dent in my Todo list today. Yes, this one. From a month and a half ago, which actually evolved from a list nearly 6 months ago.

I have:

• clean clothes (rather than just a clean uniform b/c what the hell do I really need regular clothes for when I live at the restaurant?)!
• And a semi-organised closet/paper trail (just 2 hours, not as bad as it seemed),
• a clean bathroom (ugh. my intolerance of stinky grime won't ever let it get too bad),
• and dusted room (cough cough).

Someone want to come and pick up clothes for goodwill? And either sell or give away all the books that are collecting dust? And wash my poor neglected car? There's still SIX DAYS left before I leave, I feel like I can get all of this done pre-Greeciness. Did I mention that I leave for Greece in SIX DAYS?!?!?!?! Holy Cow. I'm kinda excited.

Seriously, I feel much better than I did last week. I got to see Eddie on Sunday and ogle at his cuteness. The kid has red hair coming in though. I realise that his mother's family has tons of reds... but can't we have something that lets us know he's ours?? The blue eyes really don't help either, even though my Dad and his bunch has blue eyes. I guess after seeing how much Mom, AnnaBananaHead, Jim Jim and I look alike... oh well. I can't wait to see what he looks like in a couple years.

I Loved You First

I have this lovely song in my head. You are my sweetest downfall.

I don't know what I think I am accomplishing for myself when I stay up to late and listen to music that makes me sad. I just know that it's 4am and I have to drive to the shore to see my family in about 5 hours. And I also had high hopes of doing laundry or cleaning or some crazy shit like that, like normal people do on their days off. Where, I on the other hand, spend hours sleeping, moping and discovering that I sullied the oldest meeting house in the U.S. with my 19 year old self's exploits.* Sigh. Laundry may have to wait until Monday afternoon. After my nap.

I want to run away. I've not heard from Fucking Monkey College about my nursing application sent in May, due July 1. All of this sound familiar? Yeah, to me too. Do I start looking into NC or Utah again? My Hippie has plans to go to Washington state in Jan. I would love to follow. I Would love to run away to Europe for several years as well. Or Central America, or Australia, or Japan, or...

My landlord sent a renewal for the lease today. The lease doesn't end until 3/31/2008. Craziness. He's not upping the rent for next year. Maybe I should just stay put. And die in this cruddy house.

8 Days until Greece. I'm almost bursting from anticipation. I'd like to leave now, please and thank you.

I think a mix of working crazy hours and not getting my way lately has made me prone to da' blues. I dreamed last night I was a superhero that couldn't contain an un-super woman. Who then convinced everyone I was a head case on drugs. Oh my psyche- what the hell are you doing? I think yoga would help. I think eating better would help. I think that sleeping better would REALLY help. Maybe Greece and Paulo can help reprogram my sad, sad ass. It's amazing that I get the greatest relief just breathing. How does one forget to breathe? Can you imagine what would happen if I took an hour to do yoga for myself?

*Maybe this is why I was almost run over by a priest earlier this week? Who told the Quakers!?!?! Fess up!!!!

Why I'm Not a Fan of Organized Religion

I was almost hit by a Priest in an Avalon (MSRP:$27,075 - $34,415) going entirely too fast in a bank parking lot. After waiting 20 minutes for a new teller to figure out how to deposit my moulah into my account. (Puh-lease. It's wasn't THAT much moulah).

Ok that's my exciting story. I had a good night, mostly uneventful, but worth it in the end.

Greek is HARD. But I can almost read it now- wee! My ears can't seem to pick it up and my tongue is getting tired of running circles. But onward! 13 More Days!!!!

Yip yip yip yipyipyipyipyip.

Learning Greek

...Is, well, Greek to me. I'm trying to learn the alphabet, which seems to be the first step. And I will not lie, it is HARD. But this is only the first 20 minutes. And I have a CD too!

Cross fingers now, please. 20 days and counting.


Happy Birthday to my Mommy today. Wee!

Familiar Ache

I* miss an old friend today. She told off a boy who rejected me in high school (I can't remember his name to save my life right now. Heh.). I've not talked to her in over 5 years. People have been popping back into my life this past month. I think of them, they appear. I am verbally stating that I would love to see her again soon.

I had such a good day today. I spent my afternoon/evening bullshitting with cool people that tipped well and that I adore (and I thought of, and they appeared. Hehe). Why can't every day be like that?

Tomorrow (uh, 7 hours from now) will be spent with a 4 month old. I'm sleepy. I really wish I could sleep in. And be paid. Hmmmmm...

Vacation in 21 days and counting. Word. Greece, here I come!!!!


*achingly miss her

Why?

Did I check out my ex's myspace? Oh. Yes. Because I'm drunk. And a glutton for punishment, obviously. A little happy that his happy marriage seems to be rocky. Is that mean and spiteful and hateful? Why, yes... yes it is. If I'm unhappy, why shouldn't everyone else be?

Ok. Am Not as drunk and starting to feel effects of being big meanie. I don't wish to incur bad karma and so I hope that my ex is happy. Truly. Ok, not so much. But damn, I'm trying. Can't you see I'm trying??!?!?!

Damn 4 month olds that I have to meet in 6 hours.

BAH!

Shitty Day

No. Actually it was an ok day. I made ok money. I had an awesome greek salad with cajun salmon on top. It was delicious- as most things that RyRy makes me.

Right now, I am exhausted and hysterical. Seriously. I cannot drink when I have had minimal sleep; no good comes from it. I spent the 20 minutes in my car laughing and crying hysterically, an hour ago I was making vomiting noises while the person I have been contemplating letting into my heart spent the entire time flirting with underage icky icks. I looked to my lovely girlfriend for support: she had her own boyfriend to take care of.

I spent most of my time (those 20 minutes sitting in my car outside my house) being hysterical singing Aerosmith's : Deuces are Wild. I used to associate the first couple lines (I love to look into your big brown eyes) with an ex. I would never let this ex back into my life is the crazy thing. But, once, while sharing a shower, he commented on my eyes and how he hoped 'our' kids had my eyes because they were crazy wolf eyes and he liked them. He had brown eyes. I need attention. And I need love and affection and sleep. GOD I NEED FUCKING SLEEP.

My other desire tonight, other than sleeping off that fucking lemon drop shot, was to drive to the beach, sleep under the stars and be closer to my God. Which I guess I will do in Greece. But FUCK.

Why do I want things that are not mine?

What do I really want?? Humor, conversation, kindness, chemistry.... someone to read to my kids (and me too). A healthy relationship. And someone to play guitar to me? Oh if I could find someone to play 'Green Eyes'. And then I check out Liz Phair's awesomeness and think I can learn to play for myself! MF-ers!!!!!! And then I feel kinda lonely again. And I feel like a bad feminist for not being able to stand on my own. And then I think of all the men that fuck up their lives regularly and I don't feel so bad anymore.

I really feel shitty and I don't know how to fix it: Other than sleep and pushing aside the loneliness for another evening.

I should be asleep...

As it's 3am and I have to watch a 4 month old in, uhhh, 5 and a half hours.

I'm listening to sappy crap, mostly because my Gina in Crime made me. She knows who she is and she knows what she posted!!

So here I am, listening to sappy crap (stated already), mostly because I wanted to hear brazillian songs and a really pretty version of the Enders' song over and over and over again. Because I really like to feel like shit, obviously.

I lost this after a year and a half. It was wrapped around my wrist while I was in Brazil and I was told to make a wish. It was torn off while playing Shuffleboard at DnB's, as I was wishing for a spark of chemistry. It seems as though I am the anti-chemistry, since none appeared even after wearing my cutest date outfit and being Lil Ms Good Listener/Sharer. Oh Fucking Well. I don't really remember the wish. This replaces it for the time being while I feel naked. Maybe she'll draw one up every couple days for me?

I spent the evening trying to be near my friend. Yeah, the one I may want to date but whose presence in my thoughts confuse the hell out of me.