Welcome!

One of my moms gave birth this morning. Welcome Lucy Jane!

Against better judgement and without resolution, I continue to think about a nice MoCo boy.

I found a keychain/keyhole pic viewer thingy last night while going through my stuff. Inside? Teenage Jess and Jamie at Adventure World (now 6 Flags). I may post it to flickr soon; it's really adorable.

Spending time with Em tomorrow morning and with the fam in the afternoon and evening.

The Week I Lose It

When I first started taking care of N, she was 3 yo and change. We went to the mall to stay out of mom's hair (she was working in the basement) and we had a really good time. When we got back to the house, I let N out of her carseat and she immediately got this look on her face like she was going to cry. "What's wrong???" I asked, and she responded "nothing"... with a huge smile, voice cracking, and tears in her eyes. She went downstairs to mom immediately and bawled for a good 5 minutes.

This sums up my week.

All the things that felt so right and in place, have all dropped to my feet and I feel like I can't keep my shit together anymore.

Hm

Or Him, rather.

At this point I hope he does read this; Because that means I can be totally honest, which he has been with me.

I really hate the start of something new. I hate feeling like I have to make potentially long term decisions for something that may not even last through the weekend. I really like this new dude. I like him enough to question my move and question whether my running away (which is essentially what I'm doing*) is the right thing.

I like his great lips and the way he made me feel thus past weekend. I really like his awkward little mannerisms that make me question his sexuality. I completely adore his forthright and his ability to make me feel like he would never feed me a line of bullshit just to get what he wanted, or that I could bullshit him to get what I wanted either. I. love. his. passion. I can see myself in this sort of relationship for the rest of my life, and that scares me.

I wish I met him at the beginning of January, when I had no clue where my fickle heart would take me. I wouldn't have to hear over and over again how much I should stay put and all that shit.

Damn it. I Want to move. I want to finally feel like I can get my BSN. I want to meet a cool guy from a place where there is tons more guys than girls. I want to travel my ass off and be able to say I've lived on both coasts (and all around the world) as an adult. I want to follow my fickle soul around before I really am too old.

The crazy thing is, I don't really think he's that into me. Heh. Surprise, surprise. And that this is really just my head trying to talk my heart out of something I want more than love and commitment and kids and all that shit.

Bye Maryland. Bye beautiful lips that keep me daydreaming.

*from school. from men, from family, from friends, from responsibility

I adore Rach... and so...

Mostly b/c I really don't mind the random meme, obviously... and also b/c there's this thing that has come up in my peripheral that makes me question my move.

What was I doing ten years ago?
Babysitting a 4 yo and a 2 yo and planning to leave the eastern shore. Huh, Not much different than today, eh? I was also at this awesome diner called H&G, which is now a clinic and fooling around with a pothead. Those were the days.

Five things on my to-do list today:

• Take a shower. Check.
• Talk to boy who I am entirely too into. Check.
• Have lunch with cute pregnant chick. Check.
• Go make some dough. Check.
• Watch Caps make it to Game 7, watch SpongeBob The Movie, and drink too much. Check.

Five snacks I enjoy:

• toasty pita and hummus
• ice cream sandies
• cupcakes (I'm not picky about those, surprisingly)
• trail mix
• vanilla pudding

Five bad habits:

• Being attracted to people I have no business being attracted to
• Trying to be too "sunshine-y"
• Being a grumpy bitch
• Phone/connection dies in the middle of good conversation
• Eating too much fried/sugary shit

Five jobs I have had:

• Pizza maker - first job at Pizza Hut. I was a great pizza maker. Man, I wish they made pan pizzas like that still. I liked a guy that killed his mother, step father and half brother. I really wish I was kidding.
• Babysitter - 2 yr old and 4 yr old sisters. It makes me a little crazy to think they are 16 and 14 yo now.
• Server - my trainer thought I would never last. I came to rule the H&G and all other restaurants after that. I really am the BEST SERVER EVER. You just don't know really.
• Interpreter Coordinator/Account Rep/Office Biatch - Also very good at that job. Ended up hating it and leaving because it SUCKED MY SOUL OUT OF MY BODY. Seriously.
• Bartender - Yep. Still a Bar/nanny. Wee.

Speed Rules

This is freaking awesome. Go Gina.

Maybe

Maybe it's the 3 beers. Maybe it's being able to unwind with a cool guy who is not married, or taken, or gay. Maybe it's been such a long time that I have had an non-boring date who I am kinda into. Anyway- I had a really good date and I want to scream it out on the rooftops, but Hi, I have a blog, and no, that's not cool. And yes, he knows I am west coast bound.

Just thought you should know. And That's a lot of commas in the last paragraph, and I apologize in advance.

Right now...

I Want:

• A Yellow Dell
• Not to pay $800 b/c my old roommates are asswads
• Seattle move to go swimmingly
• A nice place to live in Seattle
  
• Peace in my living environment, here and afar
  
• A Tattoo
• T's parents house to be sold
• My family to stay healthy and happy
• A little bit of love and affection
• Caps to win Stanley Cup
  
• This damn knot in my back to go away
  

Quick Stuff

I'm checking my hair religiously for grays now that I've hit 30.

My ex-roommates are sending my mail back to the post office, even though they owe me almost $500 in back utilities and my friend and coworker lives in the same house and has been trying to intercept. Time to call my Lawyer.

I just spent 2 hours trying to finish an exam while a 14 year old played xbox and had his phone on speaker about 2 feet away from me. I do have to say that he was kind enough to turn off his music when I asked at the beginning of my exam. I got an 88, and it could have been a 96 had I been on my game. I think I'll take my chances at the 2 year old's house next time.

Another short post. Sorry!

MIA

Hi. I'm alive. And hanging with B and her 14 year old for a month or so. The kids in my old basement owe me almost $500, I am selling all of my furniture, and I may have a job (but no place to live) in Seattle.

You could say I'm a little stressed. But I'm happy. And I'm going to try to post more tomorrow. Smooch smooch.