I'm ill-prepared for my new quarter. I have books and paper and pens and assignments. I'm lacking motivation.
Haaaaayyyyyllllllllpppppp!!!!!
Any words of encouragement that I can incorporate into a mantra for the quarter?
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Only by Urging
The lovely Alissa has challenged friends to blog for the month of April. I told her I would try. I might as well try it out tonight, eh?
It's 3am-ish here on the left coast. I am thinking a lot about love and lust and luck and my lacking of all three this evening. I'm also wondering how and why all three are so fickle. It's been so long since I've written. I don't remember how. I don't really want to write tonight because I know I will end up complaining.
I'm in love with my boyfriend. He's not calling me. It's hard not to jump to conclusions. It's also hard not to seek that attention I'm craving. I'm stupidly stubborn and I don't want to be hurt. What a combination. The fear of being hurt will keep me from calling him, telling him I need him and love him, and allowing myself to speak aloud my dreams of him in my future. I'm not prepared to put this into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood (thank you Regina).
Why do people give carte blanche of their heart and (usually by default) their happiness? I've never understood it and I don't like it when I do it. It doesn't just happen with people I am falling for- it's friends, family, coworkers... I hate that. I really really really hate that about myself. I depend too much on others' acknowledgment.
I'm rambling. It's time for bed.
Have no fear though- I still adore my jobs, I have health insurance, and am starting classes again soon. Sounds like excellent fodder for the month of April.
Ps. I get to go to the Gynecologist tomorrow. Wee.
It's 3am-ish here on the left coast. I am thinking a lot about love and lust and luck and my lacking of all three this evening. I'm also wondering how and why all three are so fickle. It's been so long since I've written. I don't remember how. I don't really want to write tonight because I know I will end up complaining.
I'm in love with my boyfriend. He's not calling me. It's hard not to jump to conclusions. It's also hard not to seek that attention I'm craving. I'm stupidly stubborn and I don't want to be hurt. What a combination. The fear of being hurt will keep me from calling him, telling him I need him and love him, and allowing myself to speak aloud my dreams of him in my future. I'm not prepared to put this into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood (thank you Regina).
Why do people give carte blanche of their heart and (usually by default) their happiness? I've never understood it and I don't like it when I do it. It doesn't just happen with people I am falling for- it's friends, family, coworkers... I hate that. I really really really hate that about myself. I depend too much on others' acknowledgment.
I'm rambling. It's time for bed.
Have no fear though- I still adore my jobs, I have health insurance, and am starting classes again soon. Sounds like excellent fodder for the month of April.
Ps. I get to go to the Gynecologist tomorrow. Wee.
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